Lesson Fifteen: Preparation and Perspective

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." Is. 26:3

As of now, I have been waiting to audition for "Phantom of the Opera" for five hours.  Five hours.  And quite frankly, I am fed up.  I wonder what the Lord is doing by bringing me through my everyday experiences, difference as they can be day by day.  This question has been heavily on my mind as of late: Lord, what are you doing?

During a very thought-provoking phone conversation yesterday, my girlfriend and I concluded that our mid-twenties offer plenty of opportunity to think about our purpose, our desires, and God's will.  It is an all-encompassing time in our lives when we are trying to define our career, our relationships, where we will settle, and how we will do the Lord's work.

This week, for me, has been particularly revelatory.  Something that the Lord clearly revealed to me is that this time of waiting, pondering, and exploring is not necessarily preparing me for "the opportunity", itself, but rather for the character I will need when said opportunities arise in the future.  When I think of all things in that perspective, I gain some small ounce of understanding as to my role right now.  I am to wait upon the Lord, run to Him, spend enormous amounts of time in prayer, discern the will of the Father, and read the Word.  I am to work as if for the Lord, and not for man.  When opportunities arise, I will know they are God-ordained, and I will be spiritually prepared.  God is good in using all times to form us, to give us a deeper understanding of Himself.

This is a time of preparation and perspective.  Each day, I hope the question I rise with in the morning is "How can I obey God today?" and "What does God want me to see, from His perspective?".  I have so much to learn!  I pray to surrender my entire mind and spirit, to unclench these closed hands, and to allow God to do whatever it takes for me to work for the Kingdom.

What that looks like, who knows but God?

Lesson Fourteen: No Other Name

Describe what salvation means to you.  


I'm sitting here in my room in Lakewood, IL, all cozy beneath my covers, taking a rest from the already busy Christmas Eve morning with my family.  I arrived yesterday for a five day respite, to soak in the Christmas season with my beloved family.  Taking some time alone to rest and reflect, I opened a small book I have read a few times before this Christmas, Immanuel: Praying the Names of God by Ann Spangler.  Each chapter features a different name of God, used by his children at Christmastime and through the Advent season, in Scripture, a prayer focusing on this attribute of the LORD, and some questions for reflection.  I have been especially affected by Spangler's reflective challenge today: Describe what salvation means to you.


The Word is clear that we are to give reason for the hope we have in us, at any given moment.  So, what DOES salvation mean to me?  What does God's Word say about it?

Acts 4:12

 ¹² There is salvation in no one else! God has given no other name under heaven by which we must be saved.

  
1 Chronicles 16:35
Cry out, “Save us, O God of our salvation! Gather and rescue us from among the nations, so we can thank your holy name and rejoice and praise you.”


Psalm 27:1
[ A psalm of David. ] The Lord is my light and my salvation— so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?


Psalm 40:16
But may all who search for you be filled with joy and gladness in you. May those who love your salvation repeatedly shout, “The Lord is great!”


Psalm 51:12
Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you.


Psalm 79:9
Help us, O God of our salvation! Help us for the glory of your name. Save us and forgive our sins for the honor of your name.


Luke 19:9
Jesus responded, “Salvation has come to this home today, for this man has shown himself to be a true son of Abraham.


Romans 13:11
This is all the more urgent, for you know how late it is; time is running out. Wake up, for our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed.



Ephesians 2:9
Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.


Philippians 1:11
May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ —for this will bring much glory and praise to God.


Hebrews 9:28
so also Christ died once for all time as a sacrifice to take away the sins of many people. He will come again, not to deal with our sins, but to bring salvation to all who are eagerly waiting for him.


1 Peter 1:9
The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls.  This salvation was something even the prophets wanted to know more about when they prophesied about this gracious salvation prepared for you.


Revelation 12:10
Then I heard a loud voice shouting across the heavens,“It has come at last— salvation and power and the Kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters has been thrown down to earth— the one who accuses them before our God day and night.


What does salvation mean to me?


Salvation is a free gift that I do not, nor will I ever, deserve.  It is given to me solely through Jesus Christ, who, despite deserving Heaven, descended to earth, allowing himself to die a humble, belittling death, all so that I (and anyone who believes) could be in relationship with God forever.  Before Jesus, salvation was only attained through right living by the Law (the Commandments, doing good) and offering sacrifices.  Jesus became the perfect, holy Sacrifice--I no longer live by the Law (restraining), but by Christ (freeing), who lives in me.  Salvation produces good fruit, joy, and obedience, because it ushers us into all that God intended for us to be.  Salvation solidifies our identity as God's precious inheritors, restoring us from our choices of self-indulgence.  Salvation is God's unfailing Love put into perfect action.  It is rescue.  It is freedom from fear.  It is gladness in a fallen world.  Salvation is Jesus Christ's mission, and God's heart.   


What does salvation mean to you?


Merry Christmas!  May the Peace that transcends all understanding guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, our LORD.  Amen.

Lesson Thirteen: Listen Up

Sounds easy, right?

The most effective means to getting to know a new person is to listen to their story, their heart.  I must ask myself, Have I listened to God's story lately?  Yes, I read the Word often, and I pray.  But what about actually stopping to listen and understand?

Living in this amazing city has taught me that listening takes DILIGENCE.  Jesus tells us that listening and understanding are different than hearing.


Mark 4

 ¹⁰ When he was alone, the Twelve and the others around him asked him about the parables. ¹¹ He told them, “The secret of the kingdom of God has been given to you. But to those on the outside everything is said in parables ¹² so that,

   “‘they may be ever seeing but never perceiving,
   and ever hearing but never understanding;
otherwise they might turn and be forgiven!’^[a]”

I hear the announcement for my subway stop, the honking of horns (there is a $350 fine for honking in NYC...), and the many voices in my head reminding me of my to-do list tasks.  Those sounds are not hard to miss.  But the still, small voice of God in the midst of distraction requires more of me.  And His is the most important sound of them all.  So why can I not slow down?

I desire to know what it looks like to come before the God of the universe with an open heart and mind.  Not to come with expectations, or doubt, or a list of rambling wants...just ME.  This is quite a simple thought at its essence, but Lord O Lord, would you instill in me Your restful spirit?  Would you help me to understand You, to know Your heart, and to seek Your will above my own?

How do you seek the Lord's presence?  Under what circumstances do you most clearly hear and understand His voice?  I am thrilled to experience the Lord's work, His voice, and His daily challenges. Thanks, all, for reading and supporting the blog!

Lesson Twelve: When the Going Gets Rough...Get Excited

My dear, sweet girlfriend reminded me some time ago that when times get hard, when all things are without explanation and do not seem to go "your way", THAT is the moment to stop and rejoice.  For it means that something bigger is happening, something glorious is bound to occur...

It has been about three weeks since I last wrote, so I am going to attempt to summarize some of city's lessons that I have learned in these past weeks:

• Pre-planning meals is very smart.  Otherwise, peanut butter is your best friend.
• Check the weather before you leave for the day.  This one may seem quite obvious, but wear the appropriate clothing/shoes because there is NO time to go home and change.
• At-home grocery delivery is actually affordable (and it saves the trip).
• Yelp.com is an incredible tool for all things New York.
• Carry your phone charger on you at all times.  Getting stuck with a dead phone is no good.  
• Talk to people around you.  Get to know their story.  Of course, use wisdom and discrepancy; but people have some amazing things to say.  
• Look up.  It's so easy to walk with such determination that I forget to set my gaze to high heaven.  Not only are the buildings amazing structures, but there is beautiful blue sky up there.  Soak it up.  (But please don't run into anyone while enjoying the view :-)).

Well, since three weeks ago, I have: gotten my first flu shot (look out subway germs!), auditioned for some pretty neat shows, said "hello" to Hugh Jackman and "hung out" with Jonathan Reid Gealt, gotten boyfriend advice from Kristy Cates, seen the New York City version of "snow", moved in to my new apartment (!), taken a tap class, fallen up some stairs, been newly inspired as my own CEO, seen four of my fellow SoTA alumni, and experienced a dueling pianos show.  I'd say it's been a very blessed three weeks.

I went through about a week long period where I realized that everything in my life had changed.  No longer was I walking the Iwu campus, running into friends left and right.  No longer was I three short hours from home.  No longer would I have classes to attend regularly in a general zone of comfort.  At first, I was unsure of how to react.  My wonderful man shared with me that all these thoughts were perfectly normal, that this new phase of life was forming something deep, intended for my good.

No, I am not the same person that I was three months ago.  I am not the same person I was yesterday, nor two years ago.  What an incredible thought that, despite how we change and morph and assimilate and learn and grow, the Creator never changes.  He never once has changed.  He is immoveable and complete and perfect Providence.  Even if I cannot understand the events or transitions happening all around me, one thing is forever certain, that my Lord ceases to change.

During moments of uncertainly, discouragement, or confusion, another truth is certain: something new is being formed.  Something exciting, real, and true.  This thought really helped me to think through some discouragement I was experiencing.  The Lord intends all things for my good.  He intends all things for your good.  We need only to look up, and expect that He will do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine.  I wonder how my attitude would change if I only thought, "I'm excited for what is next", each time I felt discouraged.  Something to chew on...

Ephesians 3:
 ²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.


The question is: Do I really, truly, deeply believe God?  Not just "believing in Him", but BELIEVING Him?  Do I know that He can do all things, and more? 


Oh, Lord, I pray for great enlightenment.  Enlighten my heart and mind to Your Truth and Your Word, to discern the great future that you have for me.  Give me the mind of Christ.  Amen.

Lesson Eleven: Stop the World...and make life Full.

For some reason, "I'll stop the world and melt with you..." keeps running through my head.  For the past two days, my world has come to a slight halt, thanks to a weather-changing induced sickness, and it's given me the time to consider how very, very fast this city is training my body and mind to move.  Making time to rest and slow down happens every once in a while, during that random, but generous, three-hour time slot on a Tuesday afternoon...

I've had some time to ponder what it means to be truly free.  Physically speaking, in worldly terms, freedom's connotation means health, wealth, happiness, and peace.  But what does it mean to say that Christ has come to set the captives free?  What does it truly look like for me to live in Christ, to walk with Him?  One thing is for sure: I do not have all the answers.  And so I pray.

A thought that has been abounding in depth for the past year or so is: Fullness in Christ is to be all that God intended for me to be.  I think about fullness in John 10:10 ("I have come so they may have life, and have it to the full."), and I cannot help but think about the times when I get ill, about how I, as Paul talks about in Romans, "do what I don't want to do", about how worldly circumstances seem "too much" at times to possibly urge on a full life.

If fullness of life is spiritual, then what are the things Christ is forming within me to make me closer to His likeness?  And, then, how is this fullness expressed, lived out, in our world?  I praise God that He created so many individual children, all liking different hobbies, working in various industries, and expressing their own likes and dislikes.  I wonder if this fullness is working within me to make me more like Christ, yet it looks completely different from the way God is working in the woman next to me?  Especially in the way fullness of life and walking with God is expressed?

I have been babysitting here in the city as one of my jobs, and one night, as I was rocking a precious little seven-month-old to sleep, the parallel of Christ and myself became stunningly clear.  The way this little innocent girl looked up at me was so needy, so open, so fragile, and so trusting; I then realized that just a dependent gaze unto the Lord, a look of love, a trusting mind bring intimate fellowship with the God of the universe.  How often I struggle with praying "words", correct words, in an effort that God will sense my need and respond with His voice; really, resting in His presence and acknowledging His goodness is worship.


1 Peter 2:5
you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.


Amazing that we are God's temple!  Jesus is the cornerstone (Matt. 21:42); we are His living stones.   


I am still mulling through these thoughts on a daily basis.  Lord, Teach us Your intentions for us, so that we may become more like you, and experience the fullness of life that Christ promised.  

Lesson Ten: Give Yourself Fifteen...

...extra minutes, that is.

One simple lesson that has not taken me long to learn is the fact that subways are NOT like driving my car.  They do not depart when I wish to depart.  They do not arrive when I wish to hop on them.  I have been spoiled for many years in driving myself around; the tables have turned.  So, everyone, when planning to arrive at an appointment, be it an audition, an interview, a church service, or a lunch date, allot yourself an extra fifteen minutes.  Yes, it took me three weeks to impress this upon my own brain. 

That being said...

 ¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

Lacking nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  What a thought.  This verse from Psalm 23 was in my reading for this morning; the version I have reads "I shall not want".  Last Sunday at Trinity, despite an entire incredibly thought and prayer-provoking sermon, one simple truth was impressed upon my heart.  And it still has not left me this week--I pray it never does.  The truth is this: We have nothing to prove.  Nothing.  

It would be a lie for me to say that, in my three weeks here, I have felt no pressure to "be" what everyone "wants".  In the audition room, there is pressure to prove oneself worthy as a performer (and as a person, because casting directors want to work with pleasant actors).  In job searching, there is pressure to prove oneself trustworthy and hardworking.  Even in simply exploring and navigating the city, there is pressure to prove oneself capable, smart, street-wise, and punctual.  And in my last post, I talked about the pressure to prove oneself a fashionable, cultured New Yorker. 

We have nothing to prove.  Not to the world, certainly.  And once the power of sin and death has been lifted from our lives, both now and for eternity, we have nothing to prove to the Father.  It is an enormous, almost overwhelming thought that my identity is found in the One who established everything and everyone.  Before creation, He had me in mind.  He had you in mind.  We are His.  We have nothing to prove.  

To think that, in the Lord, I will never be in want delights me.  It encourages me.  It propels me.  It grants me rest.  

² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
 ³ he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
   for his name’s sake.  

I want to understand how, amidst the crazy pace of life, it's every demand screaming for our attention, we can find an internal, eternal rest in the Lord.  Since we have nothing to prove, and since we have everything we could possibly need, rest is granted to us.  Who does not want to lie down in green pastures, even when the kids are screaming?  Who does not want their soul refreshed, even when they've lost their job?  Who does not want to be guided down the right paths, even when the "right path" is not clear?

Thank you, Lord, that we have nothing to prove.  You give us rest for our souls.

Lesson Nine: Bring lots of snacks, Deodorant On-The-Go, Band-Aids are your friend

Three simple lessons to begin with:

One.  Bring food.  All the time.  Invest in some ice packs and a nifty lunchbox.  Because unless you have lots of spare change to spend eating out, this is the WAY to go.  Thank you, Hersheypark, for teaching me how to pack one stellar, reliable lunch...

Two.  New York City subways make me sweat.  And not just me.  Everyone.  Therefore, it is vital that one carries a travel-sized deodorant, so as not to offend those around you when the subways get a little too friendly, bringin' in the heat...

Three.  Invest in Band-Aids.  Just as one's body must adjust to all the walking, so one's heels must adjust to the rub-bage of the shoes.  Especially the heels.  Why women must wear things that look so good, but hurt so badly, is beyond me.  I especially enjoy the large, heel-sized Band-Aids.  Take that, heels.

Larger, deeper, more over-reaching lessons I have learned this week...

New York City is a city of image.  Image is everywhere.  In the businesses and their marketing ploys, in the Fashion District and all the posh stores advertising their clothing, even in the audition space.  Image, image, image.  Be the image.  I realized just yesterday that the influence of image was rubbing off on me when I found myself asking, "Is this look "New York"?"  In itself, that is not a bad question.  But in context, it opened my eyes to begin praying for the armor of God to surround me and protect me from any worldly influence that would try to impress a certain image upon me.  Lord, I pray that, instead of being influenced by image, I would be influenced by You, and You alone.  May I ask, "Is this look "Kristen"?  Do I find my image in the Savior who gave me life?"

I find myself getting very easily overwhelmed by everything around me.  There is so much opportunity here, so many options, so much noise, so much energy.  However, opportunity is not a good thing if not given over into the hands of the One who creates it--it becomes a burden, and I experienced this last week, when I began feeling overwhelmed and upset, rather than thankful and energetic.  I love the Biblical expression "sober-mindedness".  I need a sober mind daily here.

Peter loved talking about having a sober mind.

1. 1 Peter 1:13
   Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming.
   
2. 1 Peter 4:7
   The end of all things is near. Therefore be alert and of sober mind so that you may pray.
   
3. 1 Peter 5:8
   Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

I think about how alert a person must be in this city: constantly dodging people on the sidewalks, holding closely on to your personal belongings, watching out for cars blowing the red light, etc.  How much more alert must we be in a spiritual sense, when the devil in on the prowl, looking to catch us off guard? This truth makes me want to pray even more intensely about alertness and a steady mind, to hand over my plans to God and allow Him to handle opportunities.  

What a week.  I feel so blessed by opportunity, by friends and family, and yes, by Band-Aids.  Even the simple things remind me of how much God loves me, cares for me, as He loves you and cares for you.