Lesson Ten: Give Yourself Fifteen...

...extra minutes, that is.

One simple lesson that has not taken me long to learn is the fact that subways are NOT like driving my car.  They do not depart when I wish to depart.  They do not arrive when I wish to hop on them.  I have been spoiled for many years in driving myself around; the tables have turned.  So, everyone, when planning to arrive at an appointment, be it an audition, an interview, a church service, or a lunch date, allot yourself an extra fifteen minutes.  Yes, it took me three weeks to impress this upon my own brain. 

That being said...

 ¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

Lacking nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  What a thought.  This verse from Psalm 23 was in my reading for this morning; the version I have reads "I shall not want".  Last Sunday at Trinity, despite an entire incredibly thought and prayer-provoking sermon, one simple truth was impressed upon my heart.  And it still has not left me this week--I pray it never does.  The truth is this: We have nothing to prove.  Nothing.  

It would be a lie for me to say that, in my three weeks here, I have felt no pressure to "be" what everyone "wants".  In the audition room, there is pressure to prove oneself worthy as a performer (and as a person, because casting directors want to work with pleasant actors).  In job searching, there is pressure to prove oneself trustworthy and hardworking.  Even in simply exploring and navigating the city, there is pressure to prove oneself capable, smart, street-wise, and punctual.  And in my last post, I talked about the pressure to prove oneself a fashionable, cultured New Yorker. 

We have nothing to prove.  Not to the world, certainly.  And once the power of sin and death has been lifted from our lives, both now and for eternity, we have nothing to prove to the Father.  It is an enormous, almost overwhelming thought that my identity is found in the One who established everything and everyone.  Before creation, He had me in mind.  He had you in mind.  We are His.  We have nothing to prove.  

To think that, in the Lord, I will never be in want delights me.  It encourages me.  It propels me.  It grants me rest.  

² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
 ³ he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
   for his name’s sake.  

I want to understand how, amidst the crazy pace of life, it's every demand screaming for our attention, we can find an internal, eternal rest in the Lord.  Since we have nothing to prove, and since we have everything we could possibly need, rest is granted to us.  Who does not want to lie down in green pastures, even when the kids are screaming?  Who does not want their soul refreshed, even when they've lost their job?  Who does not want to be guided down the right paths, even when the "right path" is not clear?

Thank you, Lord, that we have nothing to prove.  You give us rest for our souls.

Lesson Nine: Bring lots of snacks, Deodorant On-The-Go, Band-Aids are your friend

Three simple lessons to begin with:

One.  Bring food.  All the time.  Invest in some ice packs and a nifty lunchbox.  Because unless you have lots of spare change to spend eating out, this is the WAY to go.  Thank you, Hersheypark, for teaching me how to pack one stellar, reliable lunch...

Two.  New York City subways make me sweat.  And not just me.  Everyone.  Therefore, it is vital that one carries a travel-sized deodorant, so as not to offend those around you when the subways get a little too friendly, bringin' in the heat...

Three.  Invest in Band-Aids.  Just as one's body must adjust to all the walking, so one's heels must adjust to the rub-bage of the shoes.  Especially the heels.  Why women must wear things that look so good, but hurt so badly, is beyond me.  I especially enjoy the large, heel-sized Band-Aids.  Take that, heels.

Larger, deeper, more over-reaching lessons I have learned this week...

New York City is a city of image.  Image is everywhere.  In the businesses and their marketing ploys, in the Fashion District and all the posh stores advertising their clothing, even in the audition space.  Image, image, image.  Be the image.  I realized just yesterday that the influence of image was rubbing off on me when I found myself asking, "Is this look "New York"?"  In itself, that is not a bad question.  But in context, it opened my eyes to begin praying for the armor of God to surround me and protect me from any worldly influence that would try to impress a certain image upon me.  Lord, I pray that, instead of being influenced by image, I would be influenced by You, and You alone.  May I ask, "Is this look "Kristen"?  Do I find my image in the Savior who gave me life?"

I find myself getting very easily overwhelmed by everything around me.  There is so much opportunity here, so many options, so much noise, so much energy.  However, opportunity is not a good thing if not given over into the hands of the One who creates it--it becomes a burden, and I experienced this last week, when I began feeling overwhelmed and upset, rather than thankful and energetic.  I love the Biblical expression "sober-mindedness".  I need a sober mind daily here.

Peter loved talking about having a sober mind.

1. 1 Peter 1:13
   Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming.
   
2. 1 Peter 4:7
   The end of all things is near. Therefore be alert and of sober mind so that you may pray.
   
3. 1 Peter 5:8
   Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

I think about how alert a person must be in this city: constantly dodging people on the sidewalks, holding closely on to your personal belongings, watching out for cars blowing the red light, etc.  How much more alert must we be in a spiritual sense, when the devil in on the prowl, looking to catch us off guard? This truth makes me want to pray even more intensely about alertness and a steady mind, to hand over my plans to God and allow Him to handle opportunities.  

What a week.  I feel so blessed by opportunity, by friends and family, and yes, by Band-Aids.  Even the simple things remind me of how much God loves me, cares for me, as He loves you and cares for you.

Lesson Eight: Questions are an Opportunity for Thankfulness

"And how have things been going since you got here?"

I have been asked this question multiple times now, whether from interviewers, from parents reviewing my babysitting skills, or from friends and family back home.  Although a seemingly simple and "normal" question, this phrase has done far more than stir me to a quick, happy, one-word answer; it has challenged me to truly stop and reflect upon my first week here in New York City, to ask myself, "Kristen, how HAS it been going?"

For the first time yesterday (Sunday), I experienced the conundrum of having to re-route myself via the subway system, as a result of construction happening on certain lines.  This happened on my way to an interview, so naturally, my first reaction was to panic.  I wondered, "Should I take a cab?" and "Should I try to walk the twenty blocks?"  Of course, everything worked itself out, thank the Lord, and I learned that a few good, deep breaths and a silent prayer for peace could ease my spirit, even over something as silly as a late train.  (Oh, and here's a lesson that I learned last night while talking to a parent on the phone, and a VERY good one at that: If the subways are running late, do not take a taxi--they will only make you later.)  


I have had many questions lately about "the next step".  Lord, where do you want me?  WHAT do you want me to do?  Who do you want me to meet?  What is my significance here in the city?  Who, What, Where, When, Why and How?  All of these questions are good ones, but the most important question is Father, what is Your Will for me, and how can I obey You every day?  The answers are not instantly found, not always clear right away, and most certainly, if one is asking the Lord for His will, they can rest assured they will be taking the narrow path.  And the narrow path is not the easiest path, but it is the most fruitful path.

Jesus says in Matthew 7:13-14:
¹³ “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. ¹⁴ But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. 


In asking all of these questions, in spending so much time wondering what the Lord is doing, and in striving to "form" my own path, I forget to overflow with thankfulness.  It's incredible that the Lord commands us to do this--it is an intricate part of being in His Will.  


Colossians 1:11-12
¹¹ being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, ¹² and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you^[a] to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.


Colossians 2:6-7
 ⁶ So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, ⁷rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.


1 Thessalonians 5:17-19
¹⁷ pray continually, ¹⁸ give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.  Do not quench the Spirit.


Not only does being thankful give us the Father's joy and place us in His Will for our lives, but we also allow the Spirit to live in us more fully ("do not quench the Spirit").  When I humble myself and am thankful, I not only recognize how blessed I am, but the focus turns away from myself and onto the One who formed me.  Why wouldn't I overflow with gratitude all the time?  Good question, Kristen...


So, how has it been going?  Pretty well, thank the Lord.  Let us ask the questions...and then overflow with thankfulness.  

Lesson Seven: Loud City; Still, Small Voice

What a week!

Today is officially called "Kristen Hit a Wall" Day.  A very, very good wall.  Yes, this girl who rarely takes naps fell asleep in the middle of the day.  Lesson Seven A: Naps are a gift from God.  Take them if you need them!

I am finally learning how to navigate through the subway system, change stops, and get to my destinations with time to spare.  Actually, I find great satisfaction in arriving safely and successfully at my intended location--it's like a game.  Okay, I need to find 317 Madison Ave...which stops shall I take to get there?....hmmm.  Love it.  I can also say that I'm morphing into a "subway girl" because I'm comfortable enough to bring a novel ("The Help"--so good) without being scared I'll miss my stop, AND I tend to nod off when I'm really tired.  I used to think, Wow those subway riders all look really exhausted.  Now I'm ONE OF THEM...

Lesson Seven B: Don't be afraid to tell the tired-looking lady with the stroller that her precious infant is adorable.  It will make her day :-).

I am now two interviews down, filmed a scene on my second day here, and am feeling so blessed to have two homes while I search for my own.  The Lord has poured out blessings upon me this week, reminding me never to worry, for He always provides and protects.  I met with a gorgeous girlfriend of mine today, and she reminded me that, despite all the hustle and bustle around us, we are here to listen intently for the Lord's still, small voice (thank you, also, to Francine Rivers, an amazing novelist who wrote about precisely this in her book "A Voice in the Wind").  Yes, we are actors.  We need to work and make money.  We need to pay the rent and eat.  All of this is true.  But these actions, filling up our time, trying to become "an actor", is not who we are.  I have an identity in my Father that far surpasses any identity I could obtain from being cast in a play.  So much of my time here already has been spent trying, striving to be productive, to make something happen.  Lesson Seven C: It is not my plan or my will.  


In the midst of the honking horns, the street vendors' yells, the loud trucks, and the lights and commotion, one thing remains...the Lord's still, small voice.  His Spirit is here to guide me, and His Spirit wants to fill you and guide you, no matter where you are.  New York City is a urban dwelling full of achievement; it is also bursting with the Spirit's fulfilling nature, that rests all over us.  I just need to stop and listen...

Isaiah 30:21
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” 

Lesson Six: Never Go to Macy's on Labor Day

It's a nuthouse.

Actually, that's more of a tip than a lesson.  I honestly do not think I can accurately relay all the lessons I most likely soaked up yesterday because so much happened (or what seemed like "so much").  Yesterday, I morphed into a human sponge, soaking up multitudes of valuable information, storing away facts and "rules" about how the city grid works, observing people, making to-do lists, and yes, jumping right into memorizing a film script (thank you, Sky!).  It was a marvelous, humbling, yet tiring day, chock full of lessons...

A quick run down: I met Clayton's family at Chelsea Market and had a delicious lunch with some incredible people, whom I'm very grateful for!  The Highline came next--a gorgeous view of the city streets, followed by a venture to Macy's to do an exchange in the shoe department.  I did this all by myself, and to say the least, I could not wait to exit the department store and be on the subway home.  I have never seen a shoe department so full of crazed people, slipping on comfort shoe after comfort shoe (that's another lesson: get comfort shoes...).  I rode the subway home, but accidentally hopped on the wrong subway, only to get off at Times Square and try again (thank you, Clayton for the tip--when lost, navigate to Times Square, and go from there...).  Arriving back in Astoria, I decided to use the rest of the day to finish my sponging duties, soaking up all I had learned from the morning.

[Mosaic wall art in the Times Square subway!  Very beautiful.]

Within the hour, I had a role in a short film!  How this happened, only Sky (and the Lord, of course) knows, but I am so grateful to be working on a project my third day in the city.  That will happen tonight in Hoboken, NJ--I'm playing a news anchor interviewing a New Jersey band on live television.  And now to continue memorizing...

This morning, I opened to Psalm 18, which talks about the Lord's defense over His children when they cry for His help.  It is also a song of praise to our God who protects and provides for us.  Verse 32 says, "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.  He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights..."  Amen that we serve a God who is more than willing to enable and empower His children--in fact, He delights in it (verse 19)!

I am preparing to go to my very first interview in the city in an hour, and I could not be more thankful or more excited.  Thank you, God, that you actively fight for those who love you with their whole hearts.  Purify us, makes us more like you, humble us to see that all we have is Yours alone.  Amen!

Lesson Five: As In Childhood, Look Both Ways...

...before crossing the street.  Especially in New York City.

Yes, my dear, sweet boyfriend actually had to stop me from walking out into traffic earlier today.  Why, you ask?  Perhaps my mind was spinning with the overwhelming nature that is the city, or perhaps we all forget the little, simple lessons when our minds are one step ahead of our bodies.  Either way, I'm taking that moment with me as a reminder to never be too old to to remember the lessons of my youth.

Well, I'm officially a New Yorker...actually, we shall don it "New Yorker", since the only credit I have is walking the city for one day.  Regardless, I entered New York City via the Holland Tunnel at 11:00am, my amazing boyfriend driving my fully packed vehicle, excitement and nervousness both brimming within me.  Who knew what would be next?  Would I adjust, and how quickly?  So many questions flew through my mind, most of which I could not even express into words.  New York City, just the sight of it from afar, is incredible, grand, immense, wonderful, intimidating, and full of hope.  I felt an immediate peace upon entering the city, as we swerved eager taxis to navigate my car to Astoria.

Soon enough, we had entered lovely Astoria, and I greeted Bethany, the incredibly generous individual opening up her home to me temporarily (anybody know a lovely lady willing to sublet her apartment to a needy girl?).  From there, the day blazed on (yes, it was 85 degrees and HOT today), I toured some fitness centers, walked the streets, experienced grocery shopping at the Stop n Shop, and applied for more jobs and housing opportunities...

I'm already learning how very, very immense this city is, and how quickly one can feel small!  This morning, the Lord brought an encouraging Word to me that could not be more perfect for today:

The LORD will guide you always. He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. 

Is. 58:11

I am positive that there will be days when this new city, as any new place would, seems like a sun-scorched land.  

But I am full of hope that the Lord will strengthen my frame, and will water me well with His promises to never leave.  Walking with Him, we never fail.  I must remember to hold His hand and look both ways before crossing the street.